Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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