she smelled like a LAN party
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
