The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
