rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
