Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
