He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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