so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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