drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
