haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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