I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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