i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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