Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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