I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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