How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So here I am, sexting at work.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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