Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
