I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
