so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
