I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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