shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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