Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
