She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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