Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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