i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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