his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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