So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
