I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
