I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
