he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So much rum. So many feels.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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