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evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
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