It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.