the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?