I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam