This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.