I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.