Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
