come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
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Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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