Having a random hookup so left but love u
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
