Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
