what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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