Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
