you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
