I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
They took my balls.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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