There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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