speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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