Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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