her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
