wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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