dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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