How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
