he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I didn't notice because vodka
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
