I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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