found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
