there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
