then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
