we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
