I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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