Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
