I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
