yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
