But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I had to cum in my sink.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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