i would punch a child for taco bell
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
