i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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