i may or may not be watching the land before time
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
