then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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