we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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