um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I will be naked everywhere
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
