spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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