Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Randomize
