I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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