so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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