So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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