He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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