So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
