I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
