So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
