My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
