YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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